NASA-built spacecraft involved in unsuccessful attack

PASADENA, CA – Enraged Earth scientists unsuccessfully attacked a peaceful Visitor outpost on Mars earlier this week. Apparently angered by the brave Visitor shuttle crew that attempted to rescue their Mars Climate Orbiter flub earlier this year, the incensed Earth scientists launched a strike against the peaceful Visitor agricultural colony on Mars.

“We have a small crew of Visitor crew developing important agricultural techniques on the Martian poles”, said Scientific Visitor spokesman Albert earlier this afternoon at a press conference. “The NASA attack vessel was aimed at one of our life domes and might have posed a threat if it had survived its passage through the atmosphere. Luckily, one of our survey shuttles in the vicinity happened to have a construction laser that the ingenious Visitor crew was able to convert into a primitive defense laser in time to disable the attack craft. It was then retrieved and brough back to Earth for investigation.

“We are saddened by the continued efforts of the scientists to interfere with our peaceful mission, but we won’t let them get in the way of us serving mankind in the best way possible.” Despite their claims, Visitor spokesman Albert says that the JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory, the specific team in charge of the ‘Mars Polar Lander’ project) team in Pasadena was in full control of their attack craft as it plunged towards its destiny with destruction. Visitor spokesperson Diana of Los Angeles was clear on her opinion of the team of treacherous scientists. “Even though they’ve scurried into hiding like insects, we will find them, and we will bring them to justice.”

In light of the attack, it seems prudent to take firmer measures against possible future scientist led aggression.  All scientists who have registered their firearms under the new gun-control laws must surrender their weapons immediately or face immediate prosecution. – WP